I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
