We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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