Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
