the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Mom said you looked used
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
