So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
