I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
