is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
