No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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