he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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