Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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