I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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