i wish my penis had a tongue
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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