I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
