He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
