I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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