I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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