she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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