Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
