You can't motorboat a personality
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
