I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
