no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
