Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
