he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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