let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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