you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
