im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
