haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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