She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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