So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
