no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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