ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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