He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
