I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
