i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
