If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
