I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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