Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
