3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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