So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
