wanna go halves on a baby?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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