I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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