A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
