It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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