Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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