UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
