Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
