First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
