is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
