i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
