Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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